For many years I was always in a hurry for the 'big thing' the LORD was going to do in my life...always pressing, always racing, always dissatisfied with where things stood and how slow the clock seemed to be ticking, when there was so much to do and it didn't seem as though much was getting done to propel me into my 'destiny'. It seemed that the 'big thing' Father had for me to do was just about to happen, but something always seemed to get in the way or fall apart and the 'big thing' was just beyond my grasp. Most of the time, I felt frustrated, dissatisfied, let down and unhappy.
Do you hear desperation in the language of that last paragraph? Do you see the focus on the self-seeking, self important ME in those words? I believe another word I could easily slip into the description would be pride. Do you hear the pride in the whole thing? I was so sure, so very sure that GOD had put so much 'something' in me that surely the world needed to get what it needed from me! Ha! Wow. Did I have a few hundred lessons to learn!!!
Oh, I'm not saying that my desires to honor GOD and do what He wants me to do weren't genuine. As a matter of fact, it would have been hurtful to hear someone tell me that my plans were all based in part on my indispensability in the work of the Kingdom. In other words, I didn't feel proud and didn't feel like my motives weren't pure. But then, we don't always know the motives in our own hearts, do we? Father does. He sees. He knows. And He isn't willing that those unclean self-serving ways should remain. So, He continues to work away, purifying, refining, cleansing...
But where I missed it was in the 'being'. Instead of trusting that GOD knew what I needed, when, where and how to provide or use me, I was always restless. Instead of believing that I should take all of the opportunities to Him and ask if those were things He had for me to do, my know-it-all self would just go blithely running ahead, giving no thought (or even dismissing the thought) that it would be a good idea to consult the One Whose ministry in which I claim to be involved!
I needed to learn to be still. I needed to learn to sit at His feet and truly trust that - even as I go about my daily tasks - He is still able to work in and through me without me trying to force things to happen. I needed to learn, over and over and over again, that He is GOD and I am not.
Beloved, we can't pursue our own ideas of what GOD wants, without involving Him in the decisions! We can't just run ahead and expect Him to catch up to our plans. His ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts! He is so much higher and greater, deeper, wider and much much more wise that perhaps we give Him credit for being. He really is very interested in finishing the work He's started in each of us.
We don't need fame or glory. Let me say that again... we don't need fame or glory. And let me say in a very loving way (trust me, I mean this with all gentleness and love) you don't need fame or glory. Neither do I. We don't need to be running around, trying to build our own little kingdoms. It's not only a waste of time, it's offensive to GOD. His kingdom is the one we are to be supporting. Everything else will fall to dust or burn up in the fiery flame of His jealous love. He said He will not share His glory with another. We are the clay. Only the clay. He is the Potter. He is the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last, the King of all kings and the LORD of all lords. And He knows what He's doing!
He knows how to build us up or tear us down. When we get too big for our own britches, He knows how to knock the wind out of our sails so that we don't go around blowing others out of the water with our self-important glory-seeking ways. He loves us far too much to do anything else!
And so, He teaches us to be. Whatever it is He has for us to be. He patiently works and works and works in us, knocking off the rough edges, cleaning up the deceptive heart, drawing out the harsh and hateful ways, binding up the broken places that cause us to stumble repeatedly into unhealthy ways. He labors over us, watching and teaching and humbling us until what flows from us is clean - what flows from us is fruitful and faithful to Him. And while we are waiting on Him in worship, praise, prayer, study and whatever else He calls us to, He will do what He wants to do, if we will just get out of His way and obey Him. It's how we show that we love Him, according to His word in the book of 1 John. We show Him we love Him by our obedience.
We are all little pieces of His handiwork with our own individual parts of the fabric of His love. We all have something to give, something to do and something to learn.We must remember that none has the whole tapestry. Only He has that. Love others fully - without judgement, harshness or unwholesome criticism. Don't gossip or tear down. Don't be impatient or mock or belittle others. Don't think more highly of yourself than you should. You are His. So settle down and learn to be...His. Learn to be satisfied in all of the right ways.
Beloved, I pray that you will always find contentment in letting Him lead you. If you are one who wants a deep and personal, intimate relationship with Father, then I pray that you will learn to embrace the priceless gift of contentment and unspeakable peace that can only be found waiting on HIM. Find rest in sitting at His feet and adoring His glorious magnificent goodness. Find satisfaction in learning to be all and only His, seeking His face, listening to His voice and following His command. Just be who you were created to be - and be satisfied to be! Now that is something wonderful to pursue!